Musical Memory Lane
As a child, I remember listening eagerly to a top 40 hit by a woman with a dynamic voice and an amazing ability to share her emotions through her lyrics.
I easily memorized the words back then, but I hadn’t yet developed the maturity to grasp their full meaning. Decades later, I have a deepened appreciation for the lyrics to the rhythm and blues song “Respect”—on several levels.
Yes, Aretha Franklin knew what she was “talking” about. Respect is that rare currency for which many women, and particularly black women, yearn.
Self-respect matters
While self-care and self-love are important tenets of holistic wellness, respect from others is one of those important values we crave but cannot control. Our self-respect, on the other hand, is another matter. I discuss this topic in my Ebony Jazzed course.
You know as well as I do you can’t make someone like or respect you, but you can assert yourself by communicating your feelings to someone whenever they say or do something that proves to be an affront to your dignity.
I believe it strengthens your self-respect to demand a show of deference from those you encounter— even in the workplace. Yes, this means you.
People Will Do What They Will Do
I no longer worry about what’s going on in someone’s mind or what they say behind closed doors. They’re going to say and think what they want to. But they had better acknowledge me as a human being worthy of respect when I interact with them.
Expressing that mandate might be a little uncomfortable at first, but it is a freeing experience once mastered. And if you are living or working within an environment devoid of that respect, it might be time to relocate.
Let Me Tell You a Story
Recently, my husband and I experienced an incident involving a woman and her two large dogs. She walked past us as she had done so many times, but my husband decided he had had enough of her refusal to fulfill an important part of her pet-ownership responsibilities.
“I still don’t see a poop scoop,” he said.
The woman’s reaction was full of vitriol. “That’s right. I don’t use those things,” she said.
In what was an unusually contentious discussion, she declared, “I enjoy leaving that on people’s lawns.” I was aghast. Her tone was brazen, yet she nervously insisted she had never left any of her pets’ handiwork on our property.
My Reaction
Oh no she didn’t! Tell me she did not say that, I thought.
She has a habit of sneaking her dogs’ activities in bushes that are set back from the street. I have watched her do it. And I can recall a few times where she had them “do their thing” right by our mailbox.
We have never been able to determine where she lives, but we know she doesn’t reside in our small subdivision. She is Caucasian, and we figured she feels “safe” walking her often unleashed dogs around the houses in our predominantly black and Latino community—where people frequently fail to speak up. They are typically afraid to upset their white neighbors.
Epilogue
Afterward, we called the authorities, who informed us that there were no county ordinances prohibiting the woman’s behavior. And yes, I was livid. But because we had no legal recourse, we forgave her and moved on. Holding on to resentment does nothing but drain your energy.
Wrap-Up
But I stand by my strong recommendation to voice your offense at someone’s display of disrespect. Who knows? You might experience a cooperative reaction.
For instance, some people are simply unaware of their impact on others. They might not only apologize to you but amass another interpersonal skill in the process.
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